Friday, September 19, 2008

ANGER

Anger is like bottling something up inside of you and when it reaches elastic limit it bursts. Always remember that anger is normal if well managed and expressed. SYMPTOMS · Lack of forgiving spirit · Constant confusion · Impatience CONTROL · Stop – Always stay calm. Think before you act. · Think – Anger is a reaction to a perceived threat. A deep seated feeling built over time to serve as defense mechanism against a threat. · Talk – To identify feelings that cause anger and it is most likely directed an individual. · Have a plan of action: If it is a person , do I confront him/her. · Finally – Always take responsibility for your state of mind. Don’t blame others for how you feel your mind is the only thing you have control over. MANAGEMENT Use the ‘feel when & because’ approach when talking. Don’t say“You make me look stupid” rather say “I FEEL stupid WHEN you shout at me BECAUSE you do it in public”

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

RELATIONSHIP TIP:OPINIONS Vs PEOPLE

Anyone who values loves his opinions more than his friends will defend his opinions and destroy his friends. People who are not effective in relationships usually have a higher regard for their opinions than they do for people. We need to step back and look at what is really important to us. Is it really helping or hindering our relationships with people? Give others the benefit of the doubt. We usually rule ourselves with our hearts and others with our heads. We have mercy on ourselves but not on the other person. If you want to build a relationship follow this rule: when working with others, use your heart, but when working with yourself use your head. Give other people the benefit of the doubt. Hold yourself to a higher standard than other people. From: Be All You Can Be By: Dr. John C. Maxwell

Sunday, September 14, 2008

DENZEL WASHINGTON: From Red Raiders wannabe to Hollywood icon

In an industry where fame is hard to come by and rarely lasts long, Denzel Washington has certainly made a mark working his way from zero to hero, with three Golden Globe awards and two Academy awards amongst others as worthy feathers to his legendary cap. Notable as the second African American to win an Academy Award for best actor a few years back, his works have earned him critical acclaim especially his portrayal of real life figures such as South African freedom fighter Steve Biko, Malcolm X, Boxer Rubin “Hurricane” Carter, Melvin B Tolson, Frank Lucas and himself in the Lorretta Clairboone story movie. Born Denzel Hayes Washington Jr. to Lennis “Lynne” a beauty parlour owner & Denzel Washington Sr. a Pentecostal minister who also worked for the local Water Dept. & a local Departmental store “S Klein”. His paparents marriage went sour when he was aged 14 and he & his older sister had to be sent to boarding school so as not to be exposed to the eventual divorce. Initially interested in attending Texas Tech university Denzel is quoted to have said “I grew up in the Boys club in Mt. Vernon & we were the Red Raiders. So when I was in high school, I wanted to go to Texas Tech because they were called the Red Raiders and their uniforms looked like ours”. None the less Denzel completed a Ba. in Drama and Journalism from Fordham University, where he played basketball as a freshman guard, after a turbulent period of bouncing from major to major and dropping out for a semester. It was while he was working as a counselor at an overnight summer camp & participating in a staff talent show, that a friend advised he try acting; A star was born. Returning to Fordham that fall, with a renewed vision, he enrolled at the Lincoln center campus to study acting. He earned rave reviews for his performances as title character in Eugene O’Neills The Emperor Jones and Shakespare’s Othello. Upon graduation, he attended graduate school on scholarship at the American Conservatory Theater in San Francisco. He stayed in San Francisco for a year, before returning to New York to begin a pro acting career that has seen him grow into one of Hollywood’s true legends, featuring in several box-office hits. A devout Christian, Denzel is one of a few Hollywood figures to stay married to the same spouse for over two decades. He married actress Paula Washington (Nee Pearson) whom he met on the set of his first screen role, Wilma. The couple has four kids. In 1995 they renewed their vows in South Africa with Arch Bishop Desmond Tutu officiating. Recipient of an honorary Doctorate Degree from Morehouse College in 2007, Denzel has won several awards including Academy Awards for best actor in 2000 and best supporting actor in 1990, BET Awards for best actor 2001 & 2004, Best actor in the Berlin International Film Festival 1993 & 2000, Golden Globe awards for best actor in a drama in a motion picture 1990 & 2000 amongst countless nominations for a variety of awards. He was also voted the peoples sexiest man alive for 1996, succeeding Brad Pitt & George Clooney. Aside from discovering his talent Washington has also strived to make a difference in society. He made a sizeable donation to the Fisher houses, small hotels that provide rooms for soldiers families while the soldiers are hospitalized. He also wrote a bestseller, titled A Hand To Guide Me, for the Boys & Girls Clubs of America’s centennial anniversary. The book featured a number of public figures recalling their childhood mentors. A testimonial of his broad acceptance even, beyond the community of movie enthusiasts, was his being named by the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia as one of three people they were by willing to negotiate with for the release of three US defense contractors held captive by the group since 2003.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

INFERIORITY COMPLEX

Inferiority feelings are inborn and wired into us as a kind of step up, a challenge to do better. But in refusing to rise up to this challenge these feelings aggravate to inferiority complex; deep seated feelings of incompetence, inadequacy and low self-worth. CAUSES · Living Conditions: You may feel you are poor so you don’t feel fit with the happening groups. · Negative people: Moods like viruses are infectious, if people around you feel inferior you are likely to catch the bug. MANAGEMENT · When you feel inferior to someone walk up to the person and say ‘Hi, you look good’ · When you meet someone, maintain eye contact, shake their hand firmly and be warm & upbeat in your communication. · Avoid negative people. · Always know your value offering in any group you find yourself. While a shoemaker is an expert at shoemaking a bank manager is an expert at managing banks. You are a specialist in your own field · Relax, always stay calm, you have your own constraints in spite of what the media, advertising, pop psychology and movies tell you. · Finally always make the right choices, confront your feelings rather than bury your head in the sand in the hope that they will go away. Always remember that you are not competing with anyone but yourself. You have your strengths and weaknesses, focus on your strengths and build them to excellence. The best man is he that is assured in himself, regardless of physical conditions. Those who will like you will like you as you are and for those who will not………………. maybe they are just not worthy of your time. Always be yourself there are enough other people in the world and only but one special YOU.

Monday, September 8, 2008

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

The key to effective communication is that the person must be important to you as to create the need to ‘connect’. This means that you must try and listen to the other person on his own turf, on his own terms. You must try not to use your opinions to invalidate the other persons experience. For example if someone were trying to tell you something that happened, don’t say things like you shouldn’t have done that, rather listen and reserve judgment. We live in an age where where people tend more to use LANGUAGE OF THE HEAD. Language of the head is a way of mentally classifying people into black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. Language of the head looks without for the cause of a problem and its solution. i.e. fails to take responsibility. It is about generalization and not specifics. It is based on perception of past experience and not present reality. It provokes defensiveness. LANGUAGE OF THE HEART on the other hand is not judgmental; rather it relates what happened to a particular thing that happened. Communication is more how you say what you want to say than what you say itself. You must strive to talk with people rather than at them. COMMUNICATION EQUATION · Relevant content. 10% · Voice tone 35% · Gestures and action 55%

Saturday, September 6, 2008

BRAIN FACTS

Before you ever say “I CANT” again in your life think about these facts · The human brain is just bigger two fists combined · Your nerves send messages to your brain faster than a leading Formula One car. · If each person on our planet makes 200,000 phone calls simultaneously (i.e. about 6 – 7 billion x 200,000), that would be about the same number of connections in a single human brain in a single day. · At times of extreme stress , crisis or danger the brain usually creates a “suspended reality” frame of mind which shields us from the immediacy of the situation & allows us to get through it rationally. · No technological invention or machine ever invented can compare with the complexity of the human brain. The next time you are tempted to say’I cant’ or ’Impossible’think of what you do have: THE GREATEST TOOL IN HUMAN HISTORY. Always think of what is possible.

Friday, September 5, 2008

FUNDAMENTAL ATTRIBUTION ERROR

The tendency to overestimate the influence of dispositional factors and underestimate the influence of situational factors when evaluating the behaviour of others (but not ourselves) for example if I had a car accident ‘it is the fault of the other driver’,’ the road was wet’, ‘the other driver cut me off’ blah blah blah amongst a thousand other flimsy excuses we make for our problems. But if you did tell yourself the truth it is because you are a bad driver. As political scientist Samuel Popkin puts it”Because we tend to overestimate the reasonableness of our own actions, we also overestimate the probability that others would also do what we would do. For this reason we tend to believe that people who make mistakes or blunders are revealing their true character” The things we do and those done to us are not measured in the same unit, but we must check ourselves and see what we can do about the situation rather than lament about it. That’s the attitude of progressives. We must adopt the attitude of ‘fixing the problem’ rather than the attitude of ‘fixing the blame’. It may not be your fault but it is your problem and as a wise saying goes if its be, its up to me.